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Post by marcus on Sept 8, 2013 18:08:36 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
.syas enoyna gniht elgnis a dnatsrednu ot elba eb t'now uoy yadot, ylddO
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Post by Lynnrose on Sept 9, 2013 8:20:25 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Good day to power-walk. It not only looks silly, it is silly.
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Post by marcus on Sept 9, 2013 14:50:40 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will have an enormously exciting day, today, compared to your usual day. You will find the prize in the cereal box.
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Post by Lynnrose on Sept 10, 2013 7:39:29 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will finally come to understand what Mies Van der Rohe was talking about when he said "Less is more." He was talking about his brother, Lester Van der Rohe, and was referring to a small weight-gain problem.
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Post by Lynnrose on Sept 11, 2013 7:25:27 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will dream about arrows without points, tonight, and it will have a deeply spiritual significance for you. You won't know what to make of the episode with the lime jello, though.
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Post by marcus on Sept 11, 2013 10:59:04 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
What ever you do today, don't panic. Remember to bring a towel. Government bureaucracy figures heavily in your life, soon.
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Post by Lynnrose on Sept 12, 2013 7:36:38 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will have a sudden and brilliant idea for how to eliminate the U.S. federal deficit. "Let's all just pretend there isn't one!", you'll say.
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Post by Lynnrose on Sept 13, 2013 8:27:16 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will see an ancient symbol appearing in the whorls of your fingerprints. That, combined with the dreams of apocalypse may make you worry. I wouldn't though -- it's just a vitamin B12 deficiency.
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Post by marcus on Sept 13, 2013 18:32:54 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more, unless you've paid.
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Post by Lynnrose on Sept 14, 2013 6:54:05 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Good day to bring donuts to a meeting. Later, ask people how their diets are going.
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Post by marcus on Sept 14, 2013 18:59:45 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today you will wake up with a nasty crick in your neck, combined with a periodic twinge in your back. Everyone who sees you will be left with the impression that you are being either aloof or spastic (or both). Also, you will spill soup on your best shirt.
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Post by Lynnrose on Sept 15, 2013 8:37:27 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will discover a little book called "1001 Names For Your Pet". You should probably name your next pet either "Pope John Paul" or "No Clothes On". That way you can say things like "Pope John Paul peed on the rug, again" or "I'm going for a walk with No Clothes On."
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Post by Lynnrose on Sept 16, 2013 8:25:59 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
So, you've decided to have children. Congratulations! You, er, do know that giving birth has been somewhat unfavorably compared to pushing a flaming log through your nostril? Just thought I'd mention that.
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Post by marcus on Sept 16, 2013 18:34:57 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You didn't sleep well, last night. You won't sleep well, tonight. In fact, chances are very good that you'll be tired and cranky for the rest of your life. Try to think of this as an opportunity to grow, spiritually.
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Post by Lynnrose on Sept 17, 2013 6:03:57 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Excellent day to run a new metaphor up the flagpole, and see if anyone salutes.
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Post by marcus on Sept 17, 2013 16:55:23 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
It will seem a great shame to you today, that your little finger has a cute name -- "pinky" -- but none of your other fingers do. That's the sort of thing that very few people besides you really spend much time pondering. They have such limited minds, don't they?
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Post by Lynnrose on Sept 18, 2013 7:52:26 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Good day to get into the groove. Be groovy. Try saying that out loud. Go on... groovy groovy groovy! Oh yeah! Tomorrow: being hep-cat-daddy-o.
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Post by marcus on Sept 18, 2013 18:22:11 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Try to be logical, today. It's your only hope. (Which is considerably better than it would be if your "only hope" was some old geezer on the desert planet Falderol and you had to send a robot shaped like an underarm roller-type deodorant off to find him. But not as fun.)
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Post by Lynnrose on Sept 19, 2013 8:06:55 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You've got to learn to slow down. You're driving yourself and everyone around you crazy. Just pretend that your life is a Prince Valiant comic strip.
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Post by marcus on Sept 19, 2013 17:49:56 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will lurk, today. There's nothing that wrong with lurking, after all, and it's occasionally somewhat refreshing. In fact, you'll soon begin work on How To Lurk, a best-selling self-help book on the topic.
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Post by Lynnrose on Sept 20, 2013 6:25:34 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Good time to invest in collectible things you never had any use for. Susan B. Anthony dollars may make a good start. (Unlike your usual investments, the value of those can only plummet so far...)
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Post by marcus on Sept 20, 2013 19:38:51 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You have exactly as much chance of having a decent day as you have of developing amazing telekinetic abilities that let you secretly give innocent passers-by a wedgie. Stay home. Breathe normally.
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Post by Lynnrose on Sept 21, 2013 6:31:00 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will realize soon that you've missed your true calling in life -- that of a New Vaudevillian, a theatrical marvel of the Age of Cable. Starting as "Professor Snibble and the Yodelling Pigs!", you'll rapidly achieve notoriety, and (much later, with a different act) respectability.
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Post by Lynnrose on Sept 22, 2013 6:53:08 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Leek soup day, today. Despite your recent tendency towards shoplifting vegetables, I highly recommend you buy a leek, not take one.
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Post by marcus on Sept 22, 2013 17:02:52 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Arachnids will be especially troublesome today. Chances are only fair that you will make it through the day without tangling with one or more giant Amazonian tarantulas. Keep a stick within reach, is my advice. A big stick.
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Post by Lynnrose on Sept 23, 2013 10:39:10 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Beware of turnips.
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Post by marcus on Sept 23, 2013 18:35:29 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today is a good day to exercise that special magic you have, of making people smile. Try telling everyone "smile when you say that, buster", for example.
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Post by Lynnrose on Sept 24, 2013 7:28:56 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Excellent day to go into politics. Make up a new government position, such as "Regional Manager, Dept. of The Posterior", and put up hundreds of posters of yourself. With any luck, it will be years before anyone notices that there is actually no such job.
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Post by marcus on Sept 24, 2013 19:03:14 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
In one of those amusing mix-ups that happen so frequently in modern life, a friend of yours will have mistaken your reference to "her suit" and thought you said "hirsute." Still, this may prove a little awkward.
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Post by Lynnrose on Sept 25, 2013 7:52:32 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You, for one, have just about had it with all this "Globalisation". Time to go on a diet!
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