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Post by ken on May 28, 2011 6:16:29 GMT
Aquarius [/size](January 21 - February 18)
Privacy will be an issue today. This may possibly be because a group of foreign tourists will follow you everywhere, smiling and nodding the entire time.
Your welcome Lynnrose. Your lucky; I can read Spanish OK, as long as you don't expect me to write it. I'm afraid I'm just a Third World illiterate.
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Post by marcus on May 28, 2011 6:18:58 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Arachnids will be especially troublesome today. Chances are only fair that you will make it through the day without tangling with one or more giant Amazonian tarantulas. Keep a stick within reach, is my advice. A big stick.
Marcus
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Post by elvisuk on May 28, 2011 11:58:11 GMT
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Good day to begin making a monster costume. Be sure to make it nice and comfy, since you will discover that you actually enjoy lounging around in it.
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Post by Lynnrose on May 28, 2011 13:17:50 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
A tricky situation will arise today, but you will rise to the challenge and draw it to a satisfactory conclusion. Oddly, you will hit upon the right thing to do by suddenly recalling an old Gilligan's Island episode.
www.humorscope.com/
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Post by marcus on May 29, 2011 11:38:52 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will be attacked and beaten by a group of Nuns. When a baffled pair of mounted urban police drag them off you, they will refuse to say why they were attacking you, and will sulk.
Marcus
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Post by elvisuk on May 29, 2011 12:01:58 GMT
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will feel tired and run-down today. This may possibly be because of the marathon you ran yesterday, and the taxi that ran into you near the finish line. Just a guess.
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Post by Lynnrose on May 29, 2011 12:31:58 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
In a strange form of protest against the new trends in personal adornment, you will make mooing sounds whenever you see someone with a nose ring. Coincidentally, some of them will say "Hay!"
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Post by marcus on May 30, 2011 7:58:01 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Noodle day 2. "The Revenge Of The Noodle."
Today you will learn to make a really killer recipe for szechuan noodles, which will contain both chili-garlic paste and whole peanuts.
Marcus
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Post by Lynnrose on May 30, 2011 9:52:55 GMT
www.humorscope.com/
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will have an intellectual discussion with a potato, soon. You'll be so caught up in whether it was Descartes or Voltaire who first advocated empiricism, that it will fail to strike you as a bit odd that the potato knows much of anything about 17th-century French philosophers. In fact, it knows more about them than you do. Later, that will irritate you.
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Post by elvisuk on May 30, 2011 13:08:53 GMT
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Ooh! Oh. I should have warned you. I'm sorry.
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Post by Lynnrose on May 31, 2011 19:33:18 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will receive a "Dear John" letter from a loved one today, but much to your relief, your name isn't "John."
www.humorscope.com/
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Post by marcus on Jun 1, 2011 7:02:13 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will develop a severe craving for peanut butter cookies, today. You know -- the fresh homemade kind, that you squish down on the cookie sheet with a fork, making a cross-hatched pattern? They are incredibly yummy when they're still warm, like that, huh? I don't know where your craving will come from. Possibly something you read.
Marcus
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Post by elvisuk on Jun 1, 2011 12:15:55 GMT
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Through a casual remark in an elevator, you will realise that both you and your fellow passenger have seen John Cleese's informational film called How To Irritate People. By the time you reach the 10th floor, you will both be severely vexed with one another.
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Post by Lynnrose on Jun 1, 2011 12:21:21 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Oh go ahead. You know you want to. Besides, nobody is watching.
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Post by elvisuk on Jun 1, 2011 12:31:26 GMT
What are you getting up to LynnRose 
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Post by Lynnrose on Jun 1, 2011 15:47:07 GMT
Lol, nothing unfortunately
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Post by elvisuk on Jun 1, 2011 18:27:02 GMT
OK LynnRose 
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Post by marcus on Jun 2, 2011 6:34:43 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
While idly doodling on a notepad, today, you will accidentally draw a symbol sacred to an ancient voodoo deity, and will open a gap into part of the astral plane that is even less appealing than Akron, Ohio.
Marcus
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Post by elvisuk on Jun 2, 2011 12:41:09 GMT
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will discover the original version of the nursery rhyme: "Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon. The little dog laughed to see such fun, because he was mentally impaired."
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Post by Lynnrose on Jun 2, 2011 13:35:03 GMT
www.humorscope.com/
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
This might be a good time to recontextualize your imponderables. If you know what I mean.
(yes, makes sense, will do that later)
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Post by Lynnrose on Jun 3, 2011 8:29:20 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
A strange package will appear on your doorstep -- a basket of fresh longan fruit, lined with a page from yesterday's Beijing newspaper. This could be a sign...
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Post by marcus on Jun 3, 2011 11:32:43 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today you will find yourself wondering why a shampoo that "tingles" would be better at preventing dandruff than one which doesn't. It's that sort of intellectual undertaking which has earned you your well-deserved reputation.
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Post by elvisuk on Jun 3, 2011 12:02:55 GMT
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will believe a completely rediculous hoax about a computer virus today, and everyone will tease you mercilessly.
Nothing new their then
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Post by marcus on Jun 4, 2011 7:28:27 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Someone will attempt to get you to stay in one place today, by telling you that you are surrounded by 100 black poisonous snakes (which are invisible). You will make a daring escape, despite the risk involved.
Marcus
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Post by Lynnrose on Jun 4, 2011 13:33:07 GMT
www.humorscope.com/
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You know that how you dress will inevitably send a message to those around you. In this case, your message is "Help! Help!"
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Post by elvisuk on Jun 5, 2011 0:37:54 GMT
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today will be Mexican Food day, for you. In fact, chances are better than 1 in 3 that someone will refer to you as "Frijole-breath" before the day is through.
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Post by marcus on Jun 5, 2011 6:02:44 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today old Monty Python skits will keep running, unbidden, through your mind. The only cure will be to be to drink a glass of a fine Australian wine, which has a bouquet like an aborigine's armpit.
Marcus
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Post by Lynnrose on Jun 5, 2011 8:38:26 GMT
Hello Frijole-breath!
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
A swarm of rats will sneak up on you, and you will be suddenly engulfed in a squeaking, biting, torrent of rabid vermin. Oops! No, ha ha, looks like I forgot about the influence of Venus, didn't I? Sorry. Hmmm. Ok...actually, today you will have pizza.
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Post by elvisuk on Jun 5, 2011 12:39:05 GMT
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will sneak out tonight, with a box of navel oranges under your arm, and grinning an evil toothy grin. When you wake up tomorrow, you will remember nothing about it. That's just the way these things work.
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Post by Lynnrose on Jun 6, 2011 9:53:47 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will be misidentified, on national TV, as a renowned ichthyologist. Several people will call you, long distance, to ask about the mating habits of Tilapia.
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