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Post by marcus on Aug 7, 2011 7:15:37 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will take a wrong turn, today, and become hopelessly lost. Eventually you will end up in Hartlepool, along with all the other people who have little sense of direction. It'll be ok, providing you like tuna, turnip and toffee casserole.
Marcus
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Post by Lynnrose on Aug 7, 2011 10:18:00 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will have a dream tonight, in which you are standing on the shore of an inky black river in grey twilight. An old man wearing a black cloak will appear, poling a rickety old boat up to you. He will demand payment to ferry you across, but it will turn out he doesn't accept American Express.
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Post by elvisuk on Aug 7, 2011 13:12:02 GMT
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Privacy will be an issue today. This may possibly be because a group of foreign tourists will follow you everywhere, smiling and nodding the entire time.
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Post by marcus on Aug 8, 2011 6:42:06 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today you will read a bit of Shakespeare, and just before you fall asleep, you will think: "A duck, by any other name, would smell as foul." Never mix Shakespeare and chocolate icecream. The results can be a trifle unpredictable.
(Would prefer a sherry trifle - Marcus. lol)
Marcus
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Post by Lynnrose on Aug 8, 2011 10:48:12 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You know that how you dress will inevitably send a message to those around you. In this case, your message is "Help! Help!"
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Post by elvisuk on Aug 8, 2011 14:13:45 GMT
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Good day to be callously indifferent to the plight of the masses. You have larger things on your mind than whether the peasants are happy. Oui?
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Post by Lynnrose on Aug 9, 2011 8:25:51 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will vow to always tell the truth, but it will backfire on you. Most people find that kind of behavior highly suspicious, and more than a little deviant.
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Post by elvisuk on Aug 9, 2011 13:16:49 GMT
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will hear a strange flapping sound today. Glancing outside, you will see a precision drill team marching by wearing scuba flippers and waving feather dusters. Avoid eye contact. Stay indoors.
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Post by marcus on Aug 9, 2011 15:10:12 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Someone will attempt to get you to stay in one place today, by telling you that you are surrounded by 100 black poisonous snakes (which are invisible). You will make a daring escape, despite the risk involved.
Marcus
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Post by marcus on Aug 10, 2011 7:13:13 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today you will dredge something up from the collective unconscious, but after a moment's reflection, you will toss it back. Also, you will make an embarrassing sound in mixed company.
Oh Dear!
Marcus
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Post by Lynnrose on Aug 10, 2011 8:21:41 GMT
Pardon you Marcus!!
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
This week you will angrily tell someone that you are more than just a name and a number! You are also punctuation!
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Post by elvisuk on Aug 10, 2011 18:48:38 GMT
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will discover an ancient stone tablet on which mystic runes are carved. Oddly, when you find someone to translate them from Old Norse, it will turn out to be a collection of moose jokes.
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Post by marcus on Aug 11, 2011 7:00:20 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
No news is not good news, today. In fact, no news is at best mediocre news.
Marcus
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Post by Lynnrose on Aug 11, 2011 11:24:21 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You are at a turning point in your life. Turn left.
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Post by elvisuk on Aug 11, 2011 13:52:43 GMT
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will discover that you can see people's auras today, if you squint. That should be done in moderation, however, as many people object to being squinted at.
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Post by marcus on Aug 12, 2011 7:16:37 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will become unwittingly embroiled in a turf war between rival Chinese restaurants, today, as you step off the pavement to avoid a person wearing an extremely large hat. Before the day is over, you'll find yourself angrily hurling peanuts at people you've never met.
Marcus
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Post by Lynnrose on Aug 12, 2011 9:04:04 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will meet Klive Dinky, the proprietor of Klive Dinky's Tropical Dream Vacation, and Spa Salon. He will turn out to be much shorter than you ever imagined.
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Post by elvisuk on Aug 12, 2011 13:26:57 GMT
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will discover that you have no real friends. Or at least, that they don't cast a shadow.
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Post by Lynnrose on Aug 13, 2011 9:04:12 GMT
[bgcolor=WHITE] Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will discover a horror almost beyone imagining today -- your home is inhabited by the ghost of an insurance salesman. Who you gonna call?
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Post by elvisuk on Aug 13, 2011 18:28:28 GMT
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Nobody will notice your new haircut, which you will find intensely irritating. It's not as if you always had an irridescent green mohawk, you know?
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Post by marcus on Aug 13, 2011 18:57:09 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
An older friend will avoid you today. Have you considered using any of the vast number of breath-freshening products that are available, these days?
Marcus
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Post by Lynnrose on Aug 14, 2011 8:54:28 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Excellent day to come up with new theories to explain the universe around you. Remember: the simplest explanation is usually the best. For example, most physicists today subscribe to the "Big Band" theory of the creation of the universe. I have an alternate theory that I prefer, which I call "Tuba Ensemble".
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Post by marcus on Aug 14, 2011 9:14:07 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today you will meet John Cleese. He will turn out to be much shorter than you ever imagined.
Marcus
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Post by marcus on Aug 15, 2011 6:59:39 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
What ever you do today, don't panic. Remember to bring a towel. Government bureaucracy figures heavily in your life, soon
Marcus
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Post by Lynnrose on Aug 15, 2011 8:06:01 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Remember: people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. It's ok to throw mashed potatoes, however.
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Post by Lynnrose on Aug 16, 2011 13:02:43 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You'll get your big break today! Try not to blow it. And stand up straight - shoulders back! That's better.
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Post by elvisuk on Aug 16, 2011 13:18:39 GMT
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Tomorrow when you wake up, many small objects on the carpet will bring you to the alarming conclusion that you have a live rabbit in the house. Search though you may, however, you will be completely unable to find hide nor hare of it...
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Post by marcus on Aug 16, 2011 13:38:57 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Good day to get lots of water in plastic bottles, and shore up your other earthquake preparations. Nothing to worry about, I'm sure. Well, actually, maybe just a little to worry about.
Marcus
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Post by marcus on Aug 17, 2011 7:11:59 GMT
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
A huge spacecraft will hover over your dwelling structure today, and secretly analyze you down to the last parasitic microbe in your epidermal layers. They will be on the point of making contact with humans, and offering us technology to cure all illness, let us live indefinately while looking like healthy 20-year-olds, and give us the ability to travel interstellar distances in an eyeblink...when they spot you making something with SPAM. After a bit of horrified bleeping at each other, they will zoom off, never to return.
Marcus
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Post by Lynnrose on Aug 17, 2011 17:33:03 GMT
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You've heard that when economists use the word "nice", they're actually saying that something is homoscedastic and nonautoregressive. Today you will find out what they mean when they say something is "like, totally kewl".
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